A Little or Not so Little Update

I really want to get better at blogging so my updates won't be so long. A lot has been on my mind and many things have been happening in our family, but finding the time to blog is difficult. The first big news was Jeff got home two weeks ago after being gone almost a month and it wasn't a moment too soon. The kids were really missing him and I was really needing him. He had a couple of days off and it was great. He laid the law so to speak and the kids have responded remarkably well. There has been a lot of progress made with Kaleb and Emnet feeling more comfortable and attaching to us which has allowed us to be more strict in our expectations. This goes for our biological kids as well because we had lacked consistency as we all struggled to adjust to our new family dynamic.

The truly amazing thing is we are finally starting to feel more like a family. We went on a little hike the weekend Jeff got home and these are a few pictures.

This truly warmed my heart because there has been so much fighting between the kids. I got a glimpse of how things can be with prayer and hard work.

There has also been some other progress made. Kaleb is now able to go to school without me and I am so proud of him. He is writing all of his letters, and although he gets frustrated, I try to continually remind him (and myself) how great he is doing. He is going to take an assessment on Tuesday which is required by the state of California for all non-English speakers to evaluate his level. He will be assessed every year until it is determined that he is fluent in English. I find this kind of thing fascinating so it will be interesting to see what is included in the testing. Kaleb also lost his first tooth! He was really upset about this at first and it took a lot of convincing to assure him that another tooth would grow in. He was pretty excited about the tooth fairy and it is likely he will lose several other teeth soon. Finally, Kaleb is riding a two-wheel bicycle. He had been wanting his training wheels off for a couple of weeks but I wanted to wait for Jeff to get home. The night Jeff got home he took them off and Kaleb was riding by himself about 5 minutes later. This is the same boy who could not figure out how to pedal and would ride slower than I can walk when he first got here. They have come so far in so many ways.

Toby and Addie are loving school. Living in a small town might require a blog post all its own but one thing I will say is that people truly are invested in the lives of my kids. This is such a blessing to me and to them.

Kaleb and Toby both started soccer which is a lot of fun, but it does make our evenings crazy. Kaleb is really good. He kicked the soccer ball for hours while we were in Ethiopia, so I was really excited for his opportunity to learn the game. He had his first game last week and he scored for both teams :) He gets pretty aggressive and I was telling his coach, who is a good friend of ours, that we might need to work on sportsmanship. He reminded me that perhaps we should keep working on English instead :) Toby is also doing great when he isn't staring at the clouds. If you know Toby, this makes perfect sense. Let's just say it is a really good thing Toby is smart.

Emnet started dance class. This just makes me smile because she dances all the time. We were watching a Muppet Movie that had a lot of Motown music in it, and although Emnet was exhausted, she just had to get up and dance. It is amazing to see how well she listens and follows directions when she is running off which continues to be an issue for us. Emnet's little dance class just might be the cutest ever. There is a little girl adopted from China and a little girl from Mexico adopted out of foster care in her class. What a beautiful picture. You can't help but think about what life would have been for these three little girls as you see them twirling in their tutus. It is moments like this that makes me so thankful for adoption amidst the very difficult days.

Jeff and the boys are camping out tonight for "man camp" which was going to include all kinds of fun like canoeing, compasses, Bible reading, fishing, hiking to a waterfall and code names. Kaleb kept asking everyone if he was going to get eaten by a bear. I will post more on this adventure and my fun time with the girls which included a tea party, pretty dresses, nail polish, beads and princess movies. For now, here a couple pictures of Kaleb's first s'more. Now that is a momentous occasion! As for Emnet, she still doesn't like sweets - I told you she was crazy.

The camo and sunglasses make the picture don't you think :)

My Silly Superheroes

I have been trying to focus on the lighter moments at our house. Jeff is wonderful at bringing laughter into most situations and he is missed. I have a hard time doing this especially when I am frustrated, so I have been trying to encourage the kids in their silliness. They came up with this all on their own.

Bat Toby

Spiderman - his favorite

Always a Princess even when doing Kung Fu

Not sure about this one on so many levels but she always makes me laugh

School and Such

Yesterday was Kaleb's first day of kindergarten and it went really, really well. He is going to our charter school and it is the perfect set up for him. He will go on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I will homeschool the rest of the week. I will go with him as long as he needs, but after today, I am hopeful that he will be ready soon. Kaleb, like many children, thrives with structure, so I think his going to school and Toby and Addie starting next week will be very helpful for all of us.

However, Kaleb is struggling at home and therefore, the rest of us are struggling. I remember in my reading that older children will often start losing their language before fully grasping English which can result in a lot of frustration and acting out. I think this might be some of what we are seeing. I have been amazed by the amount of English he is already using and his ability to understand what we are asking, but sometimes I think I underestimate how difficult it is for him. I was talking with friend about some of our difficulties and I said that if I step back out of my own chaos and exhaustion and look at his life, what he endured before and all the changes he has faced in the last 7 weeks my compassion grows exponentially. I just wish I could say that I do this naturally, but it isn't natural - it takes God's grace. Do you guys see a theme in what I have been learning? I also told my friend that I can pinpoint failures with my biological children, but I feel as though there is a foundation to be able to change and grow. I have this fear that this is my only chance with my adopted children and if I mess up now, there is no going back. This is not truth. Adoption and parenting of all children is a journey. We have successes and failures daily and is very important to celebrate the victories and learn from the mistakes.

On the home front, Jeff was home for a night and is gone again:( We are hopeful he will be back September 9. We all miss him so much. My mom was also gone, but thankfully she is home now. I am so grateful to have her near. Enjoy the school pictures - he is so cute!

Kaleb all ready to go

In front of Plumas Charter School - Emnet had to join us

Kaleb telling the class his name

Recess

Kaleb with his teacher Ms. Kara

Not Strong Enough

So, here it is, the post I wish didn't exist yet the post that I know God is using to draw me to Himself. Last night was less then good. I will start by saying that Jeff has been gone on a fire since Wednesday. This was my first go at parenting by myself since Kaleb and Emnet came home. The first couple of days went pretty well. I think I might have been putting out a much fire as Jeff, but all in all, not too bad. When Jeff is gone I don't sleep well. Even though I am exhausted it is really hard to go to sleep.

All of this culminated yesterday. I had planned to drive my mom to Reno (1 1/2 hours away) to fly out and see my sister so Jeff suggested we come down and see him since the fire he was on was only 30 minutes past Reno. This would give the kids a chance to see him and check out some cool helicopters. I decided to surprise the kids and not tell them where we were going. Well, the 30 minutes was closer to an hour and since I'm not quite ready to take all 4 kids in a restaurant by myself, we went through a drive thru. This means we were in the car a long time there and back. The actual visit was great. The kids were really excited to see Jeff and the helicopters were cool.

Fast forward to the evening. I was exhausted, everybody was melting down and nobody was listening to me. Jeff called and I started crying. I think these might have been the first tears shed since Ethiopia and it was bound to happen. After talking to Jeff I got the kids settled a bit and the phone rang. I decided not to answer and then I heard my wonderful friend Lori. Jeff had called her to check on me and offer to help. Instead of calling her right back I kept trying to do it myself. Jeff called back and then Lori and her daughter Tori showed up at my house. What a blessing and yet I was unwilling to ask for help. Lori did my dishes while Tori read to the girls. I was able to spend some needed one on one time with Kaleb then put the boys to bed. I went up and put the girls to bed and Emnet didn't cry or get out of bed. After Kaleb fell asleep I had a wonderful conversation with Toby. None of those things would have happened if Jeff hadn't reached out for help for me.

Why can't I do this myself? Pride is a big reason. I feel like I should be able to do it, but guess what, God didn't make us that way. He made us to live in community. He designed us to bear one anothers burdens. Yet we so often miss out on the blessing as well as the opportunity to allow somebody else to bless us because we don't ask. I told Jeff I didn't know what to ask for help for and he reminded me that is why we ask for help, because we don't know what else to do. I am so thankful for friends like Lori and Tori as well as so many others who I know are praying for me and are willing to help if I just ask. I have felt really alone this last month and now I realize part of the reason is I haven't reached out. Yet another lesson from God I am learning from this crazy, wonderful thing called adoption.

This is the song that has been playing over and over in my head and has "coincidentally" come on K-Love several times when I thought I might strangle someone in the backseat if only my arms were long enough :) As much as I don't like it, I am not strong enough but I know the One who gives me strength.

Fun Facts

So here are a few fun things about the kids:

Both Kaleb and Emnet were scared to go down the slide or on the swings at first. Now, I can't get them off.

Emnet will dance any time she hears music and she's good.

Kaleb and Emnet were very scared of Wingnut (our yellow lab) They would run away and scream if he came near them. Now Kaleb loves throwing the ball to Wingnut. He will tell him to drop it, sit, and come. Emnet loves to feed Wingnut. If I don't watch her he will get twenty scoops of his food and some of hers.

Kaleb is very helpful. He loves to help me vacuum, empty the dishwasher and carry in groceries - Yes!

I can bribe Emnet to anything with goldfish crackers. It is her most often used English word :)

We thought Kaleb had some rotten teeth, but he doesn't! He is going to lose some teeth soon though, so we need to get family pictures taken ASAP.

I told Emnet in the car yesterday that her sunglasses were upside down and she fixed them.

Kaleb makes a face very similar to Bill Cosby's on the Jello Pudding Pops commercials for those of you who were kids in the 80's. It is hilarious.

Emnet is very particular about her clothes and likes to change them several times a day. Then again, so does Addie.

Kaleb didn't want to get his swimsuit wet and Emnet jumped in the pool during Toby and Addie's swim lessons.

I am thankful I don't speak Amharic/Sidama when Emnet yells at me - I know it is not nice.

Kaleb's favorite book is "When Dinosaurs Say Goodnight" We read it every night.

Emnet melts my heart when she says "I love you. Goodnight"

Jeff has 4 different names - to Toby he is Dad, to Kaleb he is Daddy, to Addie he is Dada and to Emnet he is Apapa. I'm Mama in varying levels of whine.

One Month Home

So, I thought I would have already posted by now, but the chaos has been a little higher than expected. Yes, I knew it would be chaos, yes, I knew it would be difficult and yes, I knew I would be tired. I just didn't get the degree of those things quite right. Has it been wonderful? Yes and no in all honesty. I am thankful every day that we added to our family through adoption and I am thankful that God chose these two children to be a part of our family, but it has been hard, very hard. All adoptions are different and have challenges in their own way given the temperments of the children and the families they are joining. Adopting two older children, yes in adoption circles 4 is considered older, has definitely presented some interesting challenges.

First, lets take their ages. When we were in Ethiopia we and everyone around us agreed there is no way Kaleb is 4. He may be 6 but we have decided to make him 5. We think this will be good for him. He will enter kindergarten this year at our charter school. This will allow him to attend 2 days a week as much or as little as we choose and then I will homeschool the rest of the week. Kaleb has come a long way in the last month. We went from daily heartbreaking tantrums to small break downs which most of the time end in an apology. Which brings me to another difficult part of the older child. Language. I can't tell you how amazed we have been at how quickly both Kaleb and Emnet have picked up language. They understand almost every instruction we give them. At the same time it is much slower in their being able to communicate with us and their siblings which has resulted in a lot of frustration and miscommunication. When they are able to verbalize some emotions, which is difficult for any child their age, and when they are able to tell their side of the story, I think things will look a lot different.

Back to ages. Emnet may be 4. Whatever language she is speaking whether it is Amharic, Sidama or a combination of the 2, she is incredibly articulate. However, given that she is small and emotionally probably 2 years old, we have decided to make her 3. Again, we believe this will be best especially because it will put her and Addie in different grades. So instead of having 6, 4, 4, and 4 we will have 6, 5, 4, and 3. Emnet, oh Emnet. She is crazy. Yes, I said it :) Most of the time it is in a wonderfully hilarious way. Other times, not so much. Here lies another difficulty. Discipline. We are doing many things to work on attachment with both kids and at the same time we have to discipline them. This is complicated and where I pray daily that God grants us grace. Any other older child adoptive parents who may read this, I am open to suggestions. I am thankful for all the books I read prior to their coming home, I just wish some more of the information would pop into my head when I need it - again, praying for God's grace.

One of the most difficult parts is how hard this has been on Toby and Addie. We knew their worlds were going to be rocked and they have been. Their initial excitement quickly faded when reality set in. At the same time, I can see what lifelong changes this will bring to them and for those I am so thankful. It has already expanded their understanding of so many things. Again we have daily moments where they have figured out how to play nicely together and are encouraging of one another but there are also daily, often hourly moments of playing referee. With Toby and Addie, I used to make them work it out, but this is not possible at this point for the 4 of them. This is probably the main reason I have not been able to post on this blog. By the time they are all asleep, my brain is done for the day. I told my mom's group last spring that I struggled with idleness. Guess what? It is no longer a struggle :)

God loves adoption and as I read about the children dying in Eastern Africa, I can tuck two children in at night after eating 3 meals that day, give them kisses, tell them I love them, hear them call me Mama and Jeff Apapa and know that we have been faithful to what he has called our family to do. God never promised easy but He did promise good and this has been good, very good.

Reunited at Last

Ready to Leave in her New Clothes

Last Soccer Game at the Orphanage

New US Citizens in the DC airport

First Family Hike - Together at Last

So Cute

Swimming in the Creek

First Fair Ride

Traditional Ethiopian Clothes for Church

A Little Africa at the Library

Tuesdays are library day for us and our little local library's summer reading program is "Around the World." Today, we went to Africa. I must admit, I was super excited about this probably even more than Toby and Addie. We had a beautiful woman LaVelle come speak, sing, dance and engage the kids. She is from the Congo and is part of an African Dance Troupe. She also owns an amazing Italian restaurant, but I digress. It was so much fun watching her as she explained her instruments and ceremonies. If I had this blogging thing down, I would have thought to bring my camera. Unfortunately, Toby had lost his little plastic bluebird and was so distraught he couldn't participate and Addie was so busy trying to help Toby that she was preoccupied as well - oh well, maybe next time After it was over, I went to talk with her to let her know I would be in Africa next week - yes people, next week! We talked about the adoption and about Ethiopia. She has many Ethiopian friends and is in complete agreement that they are the most beautiful people in the world. I was also able to ask her about hair care which I am incredibly nervous about. All this to say that today's meeting was an answer to prayer.

We live in a very, very rural area without much diversity. I want my children to have relationships with people who look like them. I don't want to pretend race doesn't matter. I wish it didn't, but it does. I grew up in El Paso, Texas which is on the border of Mexico. In certain circumstances I was the minority. I had racial slurs used against me and I didn't like it. I didn't truly believe white people were racist until I moved to Waco, Texas for college. Talk about a change in perspective. I have a lot to learn in this area about things way more important than hair care, but I want to learn. I want my children to know that their feelings are important to me. I don't want them to feel isolated. I know I won't be able to protect them from everything, but I will be there to walk with them through it. And today I made a new friend who can probably teach me a lot.